By Nil Kartal, Child and Adolescent Psychologist
Quick answer: Play therapy for children is a form of psychological therapy in which a trained psychologist uses play, rather than conversation, as the way a child works through feelings and experiences. It suits children of roughly three to ten, who do not yet have the words or the self-awareness to sit and talk about what is wrong. It is not “just playing”: the toys, the room and the psychologist’s responses are chosen deliberately, and parents are part of the process throughout.
When I tell parents that their five-year-old’s sessions will mostly involve a sand tray, a dolls’ house and a box of animals, I can sometimes see a flicker of doubt. They came for help with meltdowns or night fears, and I am describing what looks like a nice afternoon. This post explains why play is the right tool for young children, what a session actually looks like, and what you should expect to see change at home.
Play therapy for children: why play, not talking
Adults process difficult experiences by putting them into words. Young children cannot do that yet. A four-year-old whose parents have separated does not have the vocabulary for loss, divided loyalty or fear of abandonment, and even a bright eight-year-old will struggle to explain why she cannot sleep. What children can do, from a very early age, is show. Given a safe room and the right materials, a child will set up the crocodile that keeps eating the baby animals, or bury the family figures in the sand, or make the same doll fall off the roof twenty times. That is not random. It is the child telling the story the only way they can.
Play therapy for children is built on exactly this. The British Association of Play Therapists describes play as children’s natural way to communicate their thoughts, feelings and experiences, and the therapy uses that channel rather than fighting it.
What the room contains and why
A play therapy room is not a toy shop. The materials are chosen so that a child can express almost anything with them: a sand tray with miniature people, animals, vehicles and buildings; a dolls’ house and family figures; art materials; puppets; some toys that allow aggression to be expressed safely (soft swords, a punch toy); dressing-up items; and a few things that comfort, like a blanket or a soft toy. Everything is where the child can reach it. What the child picks first, what they avoid, and what they return to week after week are all part of the picture.
What a session actually looks like
At Belle Vie the first appointment is with parents only. We take a full history, agree what we are working on, and I explain what sessions will involve so you can prepare your child. Sessions with the child are usually forty-five to fifty minutes, once a week.
In child-centred play therapy, which is the approach I use most for younger children, the child leads. I do not set tasks or steer them towards the “right” toys. I stay close, I reflect what I see (“the tiger is really angry with the little one”), I name feelings when they are ready to hear them, and I hold a small number of limits so the room stays safe. Over the weeks, the play changes. The crocodile gets caught. The family figures come out of the sand. The child begins to play out solutions instead of only the problem, and the same shift usually shows up at home.
For older children, roughly eight and up, I often blend play with adapted CBT: drawing the worry, building the “brave ladder” out of blocks, playing games that practise waiting or losing. The tools change with the age; the principle that children learn by doing does not.
What play therapy for children helps with
In my practice the most common reasons are anxiety and separation difficulties, big tantrums and emotional outbursts that have not settled, adjustment after a move or a new sibling, grief, and the aftermath of a frightening event such as an accident, a hospital stay or a family crisis. It is also useful for children who have become withdrawn or “too good”, and for children whose behaviour at school does not match the child their parents know at home. It is not a treatment for autism or ADHD in themselves, though children with those diagnoses often benefit from it for the emotional side of their lives.
What parents do
Parents are not spectators. Every few sessions we meet without your child to talk through what I am seeing, what you are seeing at home, and what to try between sessions. Sometimes I will ask you to change one small thing: how bedtime ends, what happens after a meltdown, how much you explain and when. Those changes are often where the biggest gains come from. If a parent-child piece of work would help, we do some sessions together.
Confidentiality works a little differently with children. I will not narrate your child’s play back to you, because the room needs to stay theirs. I will always tell you the themes, the direction of the work, and anything that touches on your child’s safety.
How long it takes
Most children I see for play therapy come for somewhere between eight and twenty sessions. A clear, recent difficulty such as adjustment to a move may need fewer; long-standing anxiety or a loss usually needs more. We review progress with you at agreed points and decide together when to finish, and the last few sessions are used to prepare for the ending so it is not another loss.
Signs it is working
Parents usually notice change before they can explain it. Fewer or shorter meltdowns. Sleeping through more often. Going into school without the daily battle. Talking, unprompted, about something that used to be off limits. Playing differently at home. Children rarely say “therapy helped”, but their behaviour says it for them.
Frequently asked questions
What age is play therapy for?
Typically three to ten. From around eight, sessions usually blend play with talking and adapted CBT.
Does my child need to be able to speak English?
Not for play-based work, which is one of its strengths for children who are still learning English. I also work in Turkish. If your child’s first language is another one, tell us and we will discuss what is possible.
Will my child just be playing?
From the outside it looks like play. Inside the room it is structured, purposeful and closely observed, and the psychologist’s responses are chosen deliberately.
Do I sit in on sessions?
Usually not, after the first one or two, unless we are doing parent-child work. You will have regular parent sessions instead.
Is play therapy available online?
For young children, no. Play therapy at Belle Vie is in person at the JLT clinic.
Related reading: child therapy in Dubai, does my child need therapy?, settling a child in Dubai without English, how to find a child psychologist in Dubai and Nil Kartal’s profile.